Over-scheduled Childhood
Beate Kollewe
It was a student job for me teaching ten 4-year-olds how to swim. Floats, lifebelts and flippers were part of my work as were interactions with parents.
Nadine’s mother stood before me and needed a new appointment for her daughter.
In one hand she held a thick personal organizer, in the other a ballpoint pen: “No, Monday is out, because she has her recorder lesson; Wednesday is her dance group. Thursday she goes riding, and later on she meets up with her former toddler group. There is also quite a good English language course in the nursery for 4-year-olds. Apart from that Nadine is moving up from nursery to primary school …”
In that moment I glanced surreptitiously at the voluminous organizer and asked myself whether this was perhaps the diary of the mother, rather than the appointment planner of a 4-year-old. After the mother had reeled off some more undoubtedly interesting and enjoyable sounding activities she had lined up for her daughter, she announced that Nadine could actually only take part in the group on Fridays at 3 o’clock. Lost in thought and speechless I stood before Nadine’s mother. When, if ever, does this child play, I thought.
I firmly resolved: When I have children, they will be able to develop freely.
To let them learn a musical instrument, yes that would be lovely … sport and activities with other children, naturally, but definitely without an appointment diary!
15 years later …
I squeeze some shopping in while my daughter Carina is at her piano lesson. The dentist appointment really does not suit me, because today I can order Anton’s new jerseys while he is at football training. Hopefully, Hannah has no volleyball match at the weekend, because she urgently needs to attend to homework.
Then my friend calls me on the phone while I am driving in heavy traffic. She wants to know if I have time at the weekend or whether I am playing chauffeur to the children again.
I remember my resolution from student days. How has this happened?
Nonetheless I have now bought myself a practical family calendar, on which each member of the family has his or her own space. On Thursdays I never have enough space, because Anton now also plays his violin in an orchestra.
The introduction of this calendar into our household was the catalyst that made me take a critical look at the general social direction of childhood.
Children and watches cannot be constantly wound up; you also have to let them run. Jean Paul
The heroes of my childhood were called Huckleberry Finn, Pippi Longstocking and Peter Pan.
They had one thing in common: Grown-ups only had minor roles in their stories. Their childhood days were spent on the river banks, in a higgledy-piggledy villa, or even in Neverland. Places that grown-ups cannot reach!
Today the call is loud for natural settings for children’s development. We seek in vain for woods, riverbanks or even empty houses. Even if this space was available, would we let our children play on a riverbank? We look for spaces free of fences, cars and noise for children. Yet the real freedom of our own childhood was from grown-ups coming in to regulate, determine and plan childhood.
It goes without saying that we adults must protect children from danger. The danger does not lie in the rapid river, but lurks on the streets, not the hunger but the fast food and sugar, not the big bad wolf but inwardly unclarified grown-ups. Children nowadays are not exposed to the danger of wasting away in orphanages, but of wasting away in apartments in front of the television or computer.
Surveys do show that a significant number of children have never been in a forest: What animals can be discovered there? What does a leaf feel like? Can you imagine a childhood without experiences in the world of nature? Can you imagine a world without the discovery – by searching and experiencing – of a realm with which children are closely connected?
Nowadays we withdraw children from this stimulating stream and substitute a paltry replacement. The adult world encroaches ever more rapidly. During my grandparents’ childhood, children had to leave the room when grown-ups were in conversation. Today there is no topic deemed unsuitable for children’s ears. And even if this were not so, the lure of the TV and its dangers are ever-present.
The grass does not grow any quicker if you pull on it.
Indian proverb
Children must have basic motor-experiences for their development. This is long recognised. Children must climb, swing, balance, bounce, spring and splash about. To perceive the world through the five senses, by responding to the stimuli of a natural environment, is not only important for physical wellbeing, but also for the development of the whole personality. The provision is often only on a man-made obstacle course in a psychomotor training group for example, using pre-fabricated synthetic materials and under the supervision of grown-ups. These activities are generally sensible and necessary in an environment which offers children ever fewer possibilities to perceive with the senses. If there were sufficient space and time for children to play freely, they themselves would find the stimuli they need for their development.
A glance at the original and almost forgotten children’s games, which were not devised by any adult, will reveal how they completely satisfy the basic motor requirements of children. Very frequently these games were centred on gravity, they offered balancing experiences or supported the learning of agility. Elements of rhythm and speech development were catered for; strength and stamina were tested. Moreover, creativity and adaptability were necessary, in order to get on with one another and with the conditions.
In order to train these abilities today, special courses and programs have to be attended, which must, of course, be scheduled, requiring further entries in the diary.
Two very differently arranged sports lessons in a primary school during my teacher training proved to be a very formative experience for me: In one lesson the children were to jump over a box using various prescribed techniques such as the somersault, leapfrog, roll and so on. They did so with joy and a lot of skill.
In another class, the box simply stood in the gymnasium and no definite movements were called for. By the end of this lesson and without any directions, the children had also somersaulted, crouched, turned and rolled. They also hopped like a frog or jumped like a horse over the case and even pulled it apart and hid inside it. The view held by the teacher, that it was not possible to use the box as the base for a see-saw because the angle was too shallow, was also quickly disproved by the children. Even experiences of failure play an important role in the child’s development.
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, “The Little Prince”
The little prince in Antoine de Saint Exupery’s eponymous story thinks that adults never take an interest in the fundamentals: “If you tell them about a friend, they never ask: What does his voice sound like? What are his favourite games? Does he collect butterflies?
“They ask you: How old is he? How many brothers does he have? How much does his father earn?”
This quote highlights a problem: In our analytical, detached lifestyle, we overlook the simple, the fundamental.
For example, as soon as movement experiences in children were recognised as being beneficial for the development of the brain, many adults already applied this to their children. Early and comprehensive training in this was aimed at making the child as intelligent as possible!
It is also recognised that children who play musical instruments become noticeably cleverer and more focused. What about the sheer joy of making music and musicality in general?
Children who can walk backwards are also better at arithmetic. Do we then target their motor-functions, so that they do better at school?
The intention today is not to miss any possibilities and not to overlook any windows of opportunity offering favourable learning conditions for development which may be on offer, so that our children will have the best chances in the job-market later on.
Each child is on its own path of development. It can be more slow than the average, also faster or simply differently. Parents who have several children will confirm that developmental tables, or external conditions, can only be used in a limited way to make a long-term prognosis of the individual child’s path. Each child should be experienced as a unique individual, whose upbringing must also be tailored to its individuality. This gives rise to a trusting rapport between parent and child so that the parent gains an insight into what the child is capable of without having to consult advisers or soliciting the opinions of others. Instead of regretting “missed opportunities” should we not rather direct our attention to the individual child and work towards awakening its own creative powers?
